3 Big Mistakes Single Parents make (and how to avoid them)

One of my biggest fears after having my daughter was becoming a single mom, a statistic as most would call it. I dreaded the idea of raising a kid on my own and truth be told, I held out to my relationship at that time for as long as I could just to avoid the "single mom life". Much to my surprise, my experience as a single mom has been much more rewarding and enjoyable without the pressure of a failing relationship.

Although a beautiful experience, there are many things I have learnt from single motherhood. Jazzy Moms has provided me with a platform to connect with so many moms who face similar challenges and struggles as I do but it has also exposed me to a lot of negative parenting energy. Three things in particular I have learned to stay away from are:

This is definitely a NO!

1. Parent Bashing.... is not cool.... in no way, shape or form. 
   Honestly, can I explain how annoyed I get on Father's Day to see women posting pictures of themselves on social media and ranting about how they are mommy and daddy for their kids. WE GET IT! You are a single mother, you struggle, life isn't what you thought it would be; but sis, it's time to move on, brush that junk off and be great. Whether it's social media or in person, if he is not interested, he simply isn't interested. Oh and fathers, yes she is going to get her hair done, her nails done, buy new clothes but no, I guarantee you that the couple dollars you give her to "take care of your child" is not what she is using to be cute. Get over yourselves.
   
   
2. Keep their kids away from their parents
   I respect any parent who raises a child or children on their own. However, keeping your child/children away from their mother/ father is a definite no no. No one wins in that game and newsflash, co-parenting is definitely possible between two mature adults.
   
   
   
   
   Tweet This: Parental Alienation is abuse!
   
   
3. Taking your frustrations out on the kids 
   Raising children is a difficult commitment and raising children who remind you daily of your ex is even more a feat, but taking out that frustration on your kids is not okay. Remember when you got pregnant, how happy you were, the joy of bringing a child into the world with a partner who couldn't be more perfect? Think of those days when your frustration levels are up to the roof, refocus and relax. 

credit: www.drawcetion.com

As a single parent, I understand mistakes happen, there are great days and then there are days when you simply want to run to the bathroom and hide until they fall asleep, and THAT IS OKAY! Nothing in life comes easy and to be honest, there are so many couples raising kids and are feeling just as burnt out as you. With consistency and patience it gets better (this is me speaking from experience). 

Enjoy parenting, whether its just you or you and a significant other, its one of the most beautiful experiences you can have in this life. 

xoxo,

Single (Happy) Mom 

Trying Something Different

I am not afraid to do-over. In fact, I am the girl who starts a new diet every Monday, breaks it by Thursday and starts all over again the following Monday; and in my mind, this is okay. In my twenties, I went SUPER hard on myself. If ever I had a goal, that I did not accomplish within the desired timeline, I would talk down to myself and continue to wallow in my "girl you suck" non-sense; and then I turned thirty.

I don't know what it is, but there's something magical about getting older. Maybe its the wisdom from life's lessons (those I experienced and those I lived vicariously through others) or maybe its because of some fictional "don't care dust" that is sprinkled over your life on the 30th birthday, whatever it is I like it; I like it a lot.

2017 has been moving so fast, I've barely been able to keep up; so much so, that I have completely missed the opportunity to start/ finish this year's vision board. My initial reaction was to panic, run to the nearest craft store, buy all the cutesy stationery and complete it this past weekend. But instead, I spent the weekend eating cake, celebrating my sister's pregnancy and enjoying time with love ones; a weekend that, in retrospect, seems a lot more fulfilling than glue stuck on my elbows and glitter in my hair! Which brings me to this moment, for years I have completed vision boards, attending resolution planning events and have done just about everything possible in the name of "self-help".These were all great at that time but rarely produced results once the activity was completed.In fact, I do not think I ever looked back at any of the vision boards after March; sad right?

This year, I am trying something different (and loving the results of it)! Rather than one-time goal setting, each week I remind myself of the life I want ( write it down!) with actionable objectives to achieve the goal. At the end of the week, I recap what has been accomplished, what was missed and how to improve the follow week ( it's truly that simply).

I am honestly amazed at what I have accomplished thus far using this new approach to making life great. I have never felt so productive in my adult life.  Fluff is good, productivity is even better (Tweetable). Commit this year to accomplishing goals; not just creating them. Remind yourself daily of what it is you want and actively pursue that thing. Put aside the big picture, break it down to achievable and doable items and tackle them each day. It's a new month to kick some butt; I'm routing for you! 

xoxo,
The 30yo Mom

Lessons from a 4- Year Old

Ok, so I have to be honest and admit that my greatest moments in life happened only after having my kid. It's like becoming a mother gave me a clean slate to start a new life ( and boy did I need it!) Each year as my daughter gets older, I find new ways to appreciate her. She's four now and to be honest, what I am learning each day from her, is truly profound. Here are a few lessons I am currently learning from my chocolate drop:

Good Memory Matters
You want to test the memory of a four year old? Promise them candy, cake or ice-cream. Often times I make promises with my daughter that I have no intention of keeping, but I know that it will get her to do what I want for that moment. Wait. Don't get excited just yet; it comes back to haunt you; and most times its in a MAJOR way! To this day I owe her a cupcake, a popsicle, and a trip to the candy store.
Side note: I promise to fulfill these at some point. For real.

Holding Grudges is for the Birds
The best thing I love about my daughter's love for me is that its truly unconditional. We disagree, she cries, we talk and then we are back at it (selfies in the parking lot)! Can you imagine every relationship being this way?! The fact that she can be disciplined for bad behavior and still run to give me a hug and kiss just makes my day!

Food is NOT  that Important
I don't know about you but if I'm not eating every two hours of the day, you can find me somewhere passed out wondering when the next meal will come.  Food is my everything (and can possibly explain my current size).  However, let's face it, food  as often as we adults consume, isn't a requirement. If she can go 5-hours with just water and some fruit, ruling the playground, who am I?

Please and Thank You are the Magic Words
You know how when you get older you sometimes forget your manners aka you are rude. My daughter never allows me to forget the magic words. Like ever! While I get annoyed when she finds the most inappropriate times to correct me (usually in front of others). its so refreshing to have the constant reminder that manners matters and saying kind words are important!

The lessons I am learning and reminded of from my four year old are timely reminders that there is growth in every thing we do. The way she articulates her thoughts are out of this world and I am eager to see what the years ahead would bring.

Here's to lessons from my 4- year old!

I've Got Baby Fever

I've got baby fever. Okay so, not bad enough for me to actually have another baby right now, but bad enough to miss the joys of being the mother of a new born baby. This weekend I spent most of Saturday shopping for a baby shower of a close friend of mine and then Sunday I spent most of the evening at the baby shower and both reminded be of the excitement, anxiety and happiness of having a baby.

I remember when I first found out that I was with child (like in the Bible days). My initial response was very delayed. I have always been the kind of woman that did not want kids. I wanted to have an amazing career, travel the world and make an impact worldwide. So after I got the news, I thought about where my life was, where I wanted it to go and it hit me like a ton of bricks, maybe, what I wanted in life was not what was planned for me. After a lot of counsel and conversations with friends and family, I slowly began anticipating the birth of my daughter. For persons that were really familiar with me, this change in heart took them all by surprise. The once anti-child lady was now taking trips and spending copious amounts of money on an unborn child. Oh, how things have changed!

As I sit and reflect on life then and life now, I thank God on a daily basis for firstly blessing me with such a beautiful gift of life and secondly giving me the inspiration and drive to reach my goals because she has been placed in my life. From learning and enforcing self discipline to accomplishing my educational and career goals; since the day I found out I would be a mother, my life changed. In the best possible way. Now not only do I have the fantastic career, travel the world and developing ways to leave a global footprint, but I have a beautiful daughter here cheering me along every step of the way.

I may not be quite ready for baby number two, but I can certainly appreciate the joys of becoming a mother and the more exciting experiences of being a mother! Not only has her existence motivated me to be the best version of myself; but as she grows and develops I am encouraged to do the same. There's no greater feeling than that of being a parent and I truly thank God for this blessing!