Straight Talk: Tips for Strategically Lying to Your Kids

I confess, I am a mother who lies to her kid. Don't get me wrong, I am not teaching my child to tell lies; BUT, as a mother, I understand the importance of stretching the truth and empty promises. In fact, the only way to make it through almost any day is to lie to my daughter. From the treat she'll receive  only if she eats her breakfast, to the promise to go by her grandmother's house if she takes a nap. Lying is essential to parenthood (and if you do not agree, wait until your daughter/son is 4 years old).

I admit, I Lie. 

The thing about lying to your kids however; is that, for it to work, the lie has to be strategic. Recently I got burned when I promised my now almost 5 year old that if she doesn't eat her dinner, we wouldn't go to Disney World.From this conversation i quickly realized that lying is great but it has to make sense and it has to be desirable.Here are some useful lies, that will get your toddler to do what they should be doing without effort:

1. You can stay up and watch TV: If your child is anything like mine, they have a set bed time and no matter how much they try to stay up, whether its to play, watch TV or just be a nuisance, once the clock strikes 8pm; she's out like a light.
   
2. You can go by Grammy: My family tradition is that all the children and grands gather by my parents on a Sunday afternoon to hang out, eat lunch and enjoy each other's company. Its a weekly staple. So ofcourse, naturally, I would say to her "if you don't clean up your toys we wont go by Grammy Cindy today" and then magically my place looks like new.
   
3. If you eat all of your food, we will go to Disney World: This is a golden ticket that has worked for years, until recently. Every kid wants to go to Disney World some day (thanks Disney for corrupting the kids), and for almost a year I have gotten my daughter to do just about anything with the assumption that for her birthday she would go to Disney World. About a month ago, she and I took a "School's Out" quick trip to Orlando. While there, I discovered that it made no sense taking her to Disney World because she isn't tall enough to go on most of the rides. Instead, we went to the  +Crayola Experience, Orlando FL and had ourselves a blast. When we were done at Crayola, she still needed the Disney experience. Unfortunately, I had to break the news to her that she was not tall enough for most of the rides so going did not make sense. Fast forward to last weekend. Here's how the conversation went: 

Me: Day eat your food please.

Her: Mommy I don't want anymore (after a bite)

Me: If you do not eat I am not taking you to Disney World for your birthday

Her: Mommy that's ok, I am too small for the rides anyway. So I can throw this away since I can not go? 

Me: (What in the .......) That is why you are too small, because you do not eat when you should and its going to result in you not growing and you would never get to Disney World. 

Her: That's ok mommy, I will be a small woman like you. 

Me: (where the hell is my wine) 

Long story short, you have to be strategic with your lies and ensure that they are smart, relevant and time sensitive. Otherwise you will be caught in a jam and reaching for a bottle of wine like me.

What lies (fibs) do you tell to get your kids to fall in line?

Sincerely,
That Jazzy Mom