3 Big Mistakes Single Parents make (and how to avoid them)

One of my biggest fears after having my daughter was becoming a single mom, a statistic as most would call it. I dreaded the idea of raising a kid on my own and truth be told, I held out to my relationship at that time for as long as I could just to avoid the "single mom life". Much to my surprise, my experience as a single mom has been much more rewarding and enjoyable without the pressure of a failing relationship.

Although a beautiful experience, there are many things I have learnt from single motherhood. Jazzy Moms has provided me with a platform to connect with so many moms who face similar challenges and struggles as I do but it has also exposed me to a lot of negative parenting energy. Three things in particular I have learned to stay away from are:

This is definitely a NO!

1. Parent Bashing.... is not cool.... in no way, shape or form. 
   Honestly, can I explain how annoyed I get on Father's Day to see women posting pictures of themselves on social media and ranting about how they are mommy and daddy for their kids. WE GET IT! You are a single mother, you struggle, life isn't what you thought it would be; but sis, it's time to move on, brush that junk off and be great. Whether it's social media or in person, if he is not interested, he simply isn't interested. Oh and fathers, yes she is going to get her hair done, her nails done, buy new clothes but no, I guarantee you that the couple dollars you give her to "take care of your child" is not what she is using to be cute. Get over yourselves.
   
   
2. Keep their kids away from their parents
   I respect any parent who raises a child or children on their own. However, keeping your child/children away from their mother/ father is a definite no no. No one wins in that game and newsflash, co-parenting is definitely possible between two mature adults.
   
   
   
   
   Tweet This: Parental Alienation is abuse!
   
   
3. Taking your frustrations out on the kids 
   Raising children is a difficult commitment and raising children who remind you daily of your ex is even more a feat, but taking out that frustration on your kids is not okay. Remember when you got pregnant, how happy you were, the joy of bringing a child into the world with a partner who couldn't be more perfect? Think of those days when your frustration levels are up to the roof, refocus and relax. 

credit: www.drawcetion.com

As a single parent, I understand mistakes happen, there are great days and then there are days when you simply want to run to the bathroom and hide until they fall asleep, and THAT IS OKAY! Nothing in life comes easy and to be honest, there are so many couples raising kids and are feeling just as burnt out as you. With consistency and patience it gets better (this is me speaking from experience). 

Enjoy parenting, whether its just you or you and a significant other, its one of the most beautiful experiences you can have in this life. 

xoxo,

Single (Happy) Mom 

Every New Thing is a Good Thing- Forget Comparisons

The recent death of a close family friend not only brought me to a moment of retrospection but his death has awaken something in me. To see the outpouring of love for a young man was truly heart warming and it felt good to know that I had the opportunity to not just meet this persons but to also be touched by him. This reflection then led me to think about my life and the impact that I have had on those around me. It brought me to a movement of self-assessment and it is within that moment I realized the importance of eliminating comparisons in life.

I must admit, I instantly felt a level of sadness that can not be described, I actually tried to imagine if I were to die, would I receive the same outpouring of love. I questioned, whether my friends would grieve over my death and even tried to guess how my family would react and then I caught myself. I realized that the thought in itself was not only depressing but did not add value in anyway to my life.
Rather than comparing, instead, over the last few days, I have used this time of reflection to celebrate my accomplishments. I looked at my vision paper (because vision boards are not realistic for every day life), reflected on what I have accomplished and identified new goals to knock down.

In today's world where social media consumes most of our lives, comparing ourselves to others often times leave us in a state of depression. We want what we see other people posting. Everything is #goals and without knowing how they have achieved these things, we interrupt our daily lives to be just like them. Comparison is the thief of joy and despite what you see people posting, there is always a back story. Live your best life the way you know how. Enjoy your journey and watch the beauty of life unfold in such a way that not only will you experience authentic happiness but your happiness can transfer to those around you.

Living life authentically,
Keiani :)

All Settled In: Chocolate Drop Arrives

Great news, my chocolate drop is on island! It is her third week here and despite some emotional challenges, she seem to be settling in just fine.

Reunited and it feels so good!

Her initial excitement quickly faded once grammy and papa left to go back to The Bahamas and the idea of them not being a car ride away seemed to hit her hard and to be honest, I get it!  To begin with, I gave our dog Chocolate Chip to a loving family at church for a number of reasons: 1. I really didn't give him the love and attention he needed, 2. I hated coming home to clean up after a dog at 7pm in the night 3. Honestly, it was just time. Chocolate Chip has been gone for about 5 weeks and although I miss him, I did not miss any of the ripped pillows, poop and other joys associated with a dog that's never been trained (despite me pretending like he was). I hadn't explained the adoption to Adaya prior to her arrival, so ofcourse once she got here and realize the dog was gone, all hell broke lose, "Mommy, I don't have any of my family, now I don't even have my dog, why would you do this?!" EPIC FAIL MOM!

Chocolate Chip

Beyond that, her resilience and bravery throughout this transition has been admirable. She handled being in Nassau without me like a true champ and even on the nights when I tried my hardest to hold back tears she always said to me " Mommy don't worry, I soon reach". Seriously, how could you not love this kid?!

Do I look bothered?

So she's here, settled in, has already became a Junior Member of the Turks & Caicos National Trust, started a mini garden (which I may or may not ruin because it's attracting too many insects), became a beach bum and is truly enjoying island life! Have you and your kids experienced a transition? How are they coping? What is the most difficult part of transitioning?

Until Next Time,
One Jazzy Mom and her little munchkin

5 Things #Girlboss Taught Me

Nothing gets me more excited than when I receive a notification from Netflix on new releases. I got the notification for #Girlboss about two weeks ago. I started watching it but for whatever reason, never made it beyond episode one. Last weekend, recovering from a champagne hangover and enjoying the island breeze, I started the series from the beginning and was so inspired by Nasty Gal's founder Sophia Amoruso. Not only is she a super cool #girlboss but she goes through some real life moments that has inspired me to do things a lot little different. The realness in the lessons taught in each episode bring the perfect insight on life as a #girlboss. Some of my favorites include:

Your Word is Your Bond
From the very beginning of the show, Sophia promised to deliver a wedding dress to a bride. She was able to put the dress in the cleaners and was promised a completion date with enough time to spare to have the dress to the bride in time. When she picked it up, she got the surprise that jewels from the dress had to be replaced. Without sharing all the details of the episode, time was limited and a lot of distractions; BUT despite being wasted, afraid of bridges and having no ride, she got the dress to the bride in time (well barely).


Competition Breeds Creativity
A couple episodes in, Sophia realized that sales were slowing down, trying to determine the best way to get things back on track, she identified her biggest competitor. After researching the company and items sold, she decided to purchase the long pants that were a hit with the competitors cut. She purchased the pants cut and style them differently, then posted it for twice the price she paid, pure genius! Needless to say, things began looking up again, go #girlboss.

Never Forget Your Tribe
You know the kind of friend that would turn down a promotion and quit a job to help you to reach a goal? That was the kind of best friend that Sophia had, but could not appreciate once Nasty Gal became "big". Despite her being there for Sophia as a personal assistant, stylist, and all the in between, when she asked to be hired by Nasty Gal, she got the biggest slap in the face and dismal from Sophia. Sophia only realized the impact her bestie made to the business and her life as a whole after she was gone. Luckily, a few episodes later, they reconciled and all was well with the world again.


There are so many other lessons I got from the first season that I binged watch like "don't allow bum boyfriends to dull your moment" or drugs is scary, bottom line, but that would take forever to get into. I love the truth and story told in this series as it reveals the not so glamorous elements of being a girl boss. Have you had a chance to check it out? What's your favorite lesson?


xoxo,

Girlboss to Be

It Gets Better

Ok so if you haven't had a chance to catch up on the blog, here's a recap of what you missed. I'm officially 30, read about that here and I am now living in Turks & Caicos Islands with major separation anxiety. Each day gets easier but there are still those moments, particularly in the evening time, when I would typically hear the exciting stories of kindergarten from my daughter as we eat and prepare for the following day. Funny how we take for granted the moments that help to create happiness.

Be that as it may, I'm slowly developing a routine that consists of work, walking my dog ( best decision yet ), crossfit and then a nice glass of wine (for the purpose of work and learning of course). In addition to this routine, my every day "going and coming" has played a big role, not to mention my family and friends who continue to include me in everything as if I was there, namely:

1. Evening video calls with my daughter! From what she's had for lunch, to the new kids she has met at her Easter camp, to the minute by minute run down of her doctor visit, our evening recaps keeps things as close to normal as they can be in this moment.
    
2. Whatsapp Groups I swear to you I have at least 25 Whatsapp groups on my phone. Luckily, I've been able to switch to my new local number and decide which groups I wanted to take with me (blessing in disguise). Birthday celebrations, births, deaths and even politics in The Bahamas, I haven't missed a beat!
   
3. Whatsapp Calls I'm actually embarrassed to type this because the hatred I had for Whatsapp calls has turned into a love story. To be able to pick up the phone and have a conversation for hours without worrying about a bill is a blessing that cant be compared.

Things are looking up. I am a little less anxious and actual smiled this morning at what's to come. The laid back island life is ideal for raising kids, saving money and enjoying the moments. Challenge accepted. 

Signed, 

Counting Down the Months to Adaya's Arrival

Adulting 101: Separation Anxiety

It's been a while since I've posted. In fact, since my post on 30 things to do before 30; life has changed drastically for me; so much so, I am living in an entirely new country! Crazy isn't it. Shortly after my 30th birthday, I received a job offer from a major distributor in Turks & Caicos Islands. Initially, I turned down the offer. At that point, in my mind, there was no amount of money that would convince me to leave my family. After some deliberation, visiting the small island and seeing the possibility of starting new, I accepted the offer.

Fast forward a few months later, here I am, new job, new home, new life; and while its extremely exciting, there are these emotions that I have been feeling and can not seem to shake.The biggest of all being coping with separation from my daughter. See, I made the decision to leave my daughter back home with our family until school is done, so as to not interrupt her learning or pressure her with culture shock during the school year.

I never quite understood the emotional strain of separation anxiety until this week and I thank all you bloggers who've helped me during this unique experience. This is not easy but there are a few things that have kept me sane during the transition:

1. Knowing this is just short term: school closes for my daughter early June. When you think about it, I only have about 2 months of separation; keeping this in mind; coping has been easier.
   
2. This is for the better: honestly, if I had moved with my daughter ( and my dog) all at once, have to figure out schooling and start a new job all by myself ( the joys of single parenting), I think I would have given up. It's simply too much. During this time, I am able to sort out my new routine, confirm schools for her and create a home she can find comfort in once she arrives.
   
3. Talk about my feelings: this has been the most difficult. I am not big on sharing my feelings with others. I talk about everything except how I feel. Fortunately, I have a few great friends who I can discuss even the craziest of things with and they have been instrumental in calming my nerves and bringing me back to reality. 

The best thing about all of this is that I have connected with an amazing family who has made the hassle of moving much easier. They are loving and accommodating plus they feed me! Couldn't ask for anything better. So I am here, starting a new and enjoying every new day.

Have you moved to a new country, or done anything life changing without your kids, what things did you do to cope?


Until next time,
Bahama Mama now in TCI!

Trying Something Different

I am not afraid to do-over. In fact, I am the girl who starts a new diet every Monday, breaks it by Thursday and starts all over again the following Monday; and in my mind, this is okay. In my twenties, I went SUPER hard on myself. If ever I had a goal, that I did not accomplish within the desired timeline, I would talk down to myself and continue to wallow in my "girl you suck" non-sense; and then I turned thirty.

I don't know what it is, but there's something magical about getting older. Maybe its the wisdom from life's lessons (those I experienced and those I lived vicariously through others) or maybe its because of some fictional "don't care dust" that is sprinkled over your life on the 30th birthday, whatever it is I like it; I like it a lot.

2017 has been moving so fast, I've barely been able to keep up; so much so, that I have completely missed the opportunity to start/ finish this year's vision board. My initial reaction was to panic, run to the nearest craft store, buy all the cutesy stationery and complete it this past weekend. But instead, I spent the weekend eating cake, celebrating my sister's pregnancy and enjoying time with love ones; a weekend that, in retrospect, seems a lot more fulfilling than glue stuck on my elbows and glitter in my hair! Which brings me to this moment, for years I have completed vision boards, attending resolution planning events and have done just about everything possible in the name of "self-help".These were all great at that time but rarely produced results once the activity was completed.In fact, I do not think I ever looked back at any of the vision boards after March; sad right?

This year, I am trying something different (and loving the results of it)! Rather than one-time goal setting, each week I remind myself of the life I want ( write it down!) with actionable objectives to achieve the goal. At the end of the week, I recap what has been accomplished, what was missed and how to improve the follow week ( it's truly that simply).

I am honestly amazed at what I have accomplished thus far using this new approach to making life great. I have never felt so productive in my adult life.  Fluff is good, productivity is even better (Tweetable). Commit this year to accomplishing goals; not just creating them. Remind yourself daily of what it is you want and actively pursue that thing. Put aside the big picture, break it down to achievable and doable items and tackle them each day. It's a new month to kick some butt; I'm routing for you! 

xoxo,
The 30yo Mom